in the words of dory

Sometimes, it is just hard. But I keep pushing on.

I miss how things were.

how I felt.

what I did.

the friends I had.

...it all.

I know that God has a plan and a reason for everything that happens, but sometimes I just want to be like, "Alright God, come on now, give me a clue here, please." But I know I won't get the response I want back. Trusting Him isn't the hard part, it's being patient. It's pushing forward, moving on with your life, rather than sitting around all day waiting for His plan to make itself known to you. That's the conclusion I have come up to this past year, few years actually. I knew God always had a reason for things to happen as they did, but I had to learn to wait, to be patient. He planted people in my life for a reason, what I wanted I wasn't going to get right then, but eventually. Now, I still trust Him, but I think He is still teaching me to be patient. I didn't learn the first time around, and so He is giving me another opportunity to grow. The opportunities may not be what I expect them to be, they may hurt, and I will ask questions. Not questions of doubt and misbelief, but of when, where, and how? But at least He is giving me these chances. However, it does get harder, my heart grows weary from it. What's that phrase? "It'll only get worse before it gets better." Something like that. So I know in the long run this will be worth it. I will be stronger once I am past all of this. But in the meantime, my heart and my mind need to come to an understanding.

STOP!

plain and simple. stop thinking about it. then my heart wont hurt like it does. cause its not coming back. its the past. embrace the future.

"just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."