Saturday, June 27, 2009
Embarking on a journey
So this is the first time I've had time to write on this. So sorry for the lack of updaaaates. But I think since I wrote last..um..several things have happened. First, dad is back in the hospital, and once again the doctors aren't quite sure what is wrong with him. But he has at least been in longer than 2 weeks, so maybe some progress will be made this time. I have hopes. Um..I think the big thing is that we started traveling for recruitment. The first week was absolutely amazing. I think I would stay there and do it all summer if I could. Park Springs definitely gave me hopes for the rest of summer, yet I think it also set the standards high? The band was amazing, left me speechless. Kinetic is my favorite now. Cameron and Daniel and everyone were so much fun to hang out with, and made the worship so ..wow. Met a lot of cool kids! I kept wondering why God had placed me on a travel team, and this camp is what started the understanding of it. One student I talked to, I had been through almost the same exact stuff, and to talk to him about it I think helped him and even helped me! It was a slightly depressing conversation yet amazing at the same time. I knew God had sent me to that camp at least to help him out. Also, I met another guy who was and is amazing in everyway. He helped me to realize what I deserve and to not settle for less. I definitely have a new confidence in some areas. While I was sad to see the week end, I was ready for another week. However, the next week totally snapped me back into reality. It was good, but very trying! I won't go into much detail but it took a lot more to connect with the kids and talk to them about the hard stuff. It was rather disappointing, but as Conley put it, I probably planted seeds. Which means I wouldn't have seen the plants grow in front of me, but they may later. Which helped a lot to think about. We spent the last two weeks with Billy and Isaac, and let me say-those two are absolutely amazing. They were so much fun to be around, and made me think about what life would've been like if I had attended JBC. Billy did tell me about their master's programs haha. But yeah. They spent last night here, and we went and saw Transformers 2. Isaac and I got sick cause we had to sit in the front. Then woke up this morning to fix them breakfast, and say goodbye. Was sad times :( Definately a trip to go see them soon. Well, I should get to bed. Tomorrow starts our week at Rudolph, which I am excited for since Ben and Conley will be there. We shall see what God has in store for us there! Later Gators
Saturday, June 6, 2009
life cycles
So once again, I can't sleep. I have really got to get past this. I don't know what it is, but I am loosing sleep, loosing my appetite even. All of which is not good. It is sad that it shows enough that my best friend can tell through facebook chat and tells me, "Erin, you aren't yourself lately.." I try to get distracted from whatever is on my mind, but of course it is all temporary. I thought for a while now that I have had certain situations under control, that I had faced them and everything was going to be okay. Wrong. I have just been running from them, covering them up. And I am flat out too weak to face them. Sad thing is, I can feel myself changing, hiding, supressing everything. Yet I am not doing anything to fix it. I mean, I hang out, and I put on a facade to make it seem like I am okay. But it's just that, fake. The scary part is I don't even know what has brought this on. Who knows..
So while being unable to sleep, I decided to go through all the sites I am a member of. Blogs, facebook, myspace, emails. Wow do I have a lot, and I got rid of a lot. No need for all of them. Welp, came across my old xanga account. I had totally forgotten about it. So I decided to read some of the blogs I had written since the very end of high school. Ya know what is ironic? Life cycles around. Some of the things I wrote about then, I feel or write about still today. From dad, to being used, to drama, to not knowing what I want to do with my life, aka confusion. It is all still there, even if it is at different degress now, it is there. So why? Why does my life seem to constantly cycle through? The pain and guilt of my father, the confusion of if I am at the right school. The feeling of being used by others. It is a constant cycle I have let myself live, and I need to break it. But I don't..why? good question. No answer for that yet. Couple of the blogs I wrote talking about how I wish life were easier, or I could figure out what to do, God this and God that. Surprisinly, there was a comment on one of them that I think I needed to read.
"sometimes when you try and set up a situation where God has the "chance" to show you where to go, nothing happens. Perhaps the fact that you were ASKED to try out for the traveling team has some meaning behind it; maybe that was God trying to get you plugged in to something where your skills and talents will be used best. remember...God spoke in the gentle wind, not the earthquake (2 Kings 19:11-18). in this passage Elijah tries to "complain" to God; he states that he has been very zealous and honorable in carrying out the orders from God but receives nothing more than death threats from Jezebel (earlier passages) and others. when he is done, God simply gives him three tasks to complete; in doing this, God is telling Elijah that his work is not yet done and that God is always there for Elijah. Likewise, even though some things go wrong in life, God is always there for us and has a plan for our lives. it's simply up to us to choose to either follow that plan or take a road we like better. hope this helped a bit!
cheers."-burtonboarder757
I think at the time I kind of just blew it off (no offense) but now, it kind of helps me. I sit here wondering what I am doing with life, asking what I am supposed to do. I mean, I am not getting up doing a bunch of stuff and not listening to the whispers cause I am so busy. Rather, I am so quiet while asking for help, yet my mind is constantly wandering, and I am not truly listening. It doesn't work to just sit in silence and expect God to talk that way. Listening is key, which I am not putting forth complete effort. So while I feel that life's vicious cycle is something I can't break, or something I didn't notice. I think rather me reflecting, and even me reading my old blogs is God telling me to look at myself. I am constantly doing what I think is right, but in relationships, I say I leave it to God but I am not. So me seeing the guilt and pain of dad, and the using by others, God is showing its constant role in life, and telling me that I CAN change it, and that I need too. And me repeating that I need to leave it to Him, I am obviously not doing, and I need too. I need to get on track, and I need to give it ALL to Him. I have to break the bad habits, the routine and become who He wants me to be. I just hope I can..
I am sorry these blogs are not the happiest, or the best. It is sort of me reflecting. Feel free to say whatever you want to me, or not say anything. Your choice. But now you know what is going on in my head. So I am setting a goal. Devotions. Reading my Bible again, and learning from it. So later today, that is what I am going to do. And rather than me being emo or whatever in the next blog. Hopefully it will be a reflection of my reading. Where to start..guess we will find out in the next chapter of life. ha. later
So while being unable to sleep, I decided to go through all the sites I am a member of. Blogs, facebook, myspace, emails. Wow do I have a lot, and I got rid of a lot. No need for all of them. Welp, came across my old xanga account. I had totally forgotten about it. So I decided to read some of the blogs I had written since the very end of high school. Ya know what is ironic? Life cycles around. Some of the things I wrote about then, I feel or write about still today. From dad, to being used, to drama, to not knowing what I want to do with my life, aka confusion. It is all still there, even if it is at different degress now, it is there. So why? Why does my life seem to constantly cycle through? The pain and guilt of my father, the confusion of if I am at the right school. The feeling of being used by others. It is a constant cycle I have let myself live, and I need to break it. But I don't..why? good question. No answer for that yet. Couple of the blogs I wrote talking about how I wish life were easier, or I could figure out what to do, God this and God that. Surprisinly, there was a comment on one of them that I think I needed to read.
"sometimes when you try and set up a situation where God has the "chance" to show you where to go, nothing happens. Perhaps the fact that you were ASKED to try out for the traveling team has some meaning behind it; maybe that was God trying to get you plugged in to something where your skills and talents will be used best. remember...God spoke in the gentle wind, not the earthquake (2 Kings 19:11-18). in this passage Elijah tries to "complain" to God; he states that he has been very zealous and honorable in carrying out the orders from God but receives nothing more than death threats from Jezebel (earlier passages) and others. when he is done, God simply gives him three tasks to complete; in doing this, God is telling Elijah that his work is not yet done and that God is always there for Elijah. Likewise, even though some things go wrong in life, God is always there for us and has a plan for our lives. it's simply up to us to choose to either follow that plan or take a road we like better. hope this helped a bit!
cheers."-burtonboarder757
I think at the time I kind of just blew it off (no offense) but now, it kind of helps me. I sit here wondering what I am doing with life, asking what I am supposed to do. I mean, I am not getting up doing a bunch of stuff and not listening to the whispers cause I am so busy. Rather, I am so quiet while asking for help, yet my mind is constantly wandering, and I am not truly listening. It doesn't work to just sit in silence and expect God to talk that way. Listening is key, which I am not putting forth complete effort. So while I feel that life's vicious cycle is something I can't break, or something I didn't notice. I think rather me reflecting, and even me reading my old blogs is God telling me to look at myself. I am constantly doing what I think is right, but in relationships, I say I leave it to God but I am not. So me seeing the guilt and pain of dad, and the using by others, God is showing its constant role in life, and telling me that I CAN change it, and that I need too. And me repeating that I need to leave it to Him, I am obviously not doing, and I need too. I need to get on track, and I need to give it ALL to Him. I have to break the bad habits, the routine and become who He wants me to be. I just hope I can..
I am sorry these blogs are not the happiest, or the best. It is sort of me reflecting. Feel free to say whatever you want to me, or not say anything. Your choice. But now you know what is going on in my head. So I am setting a goal. Devotions. Reading my Bible again, and learning from it. So later today, that is what I am going to do. And rather than me being emo or whatever in the next blog. Hopefully it will be a reflection of my reading. Where to start..guess we will find out in the next chapter of life. ha. later
Friday, June 5, 2009
Sleep-not in my dictionary
So I think the page in my inner dictionary titled "sleep" is gone. haha, but no, really. I can't sleep these days. I am not sure why, cause I do try. Part of me thinks it has something to do with everything on my mind lately. From summer, to family, to friends, to just life.
Traveling this summer is something I think I need. Not just for myself physically, but spiritually. I noticed that lately I haven't been relying, or studying God's word as much as I should, so maybe I can get back on track. However, since summer has technically started, I am just at a loss for words for everything that has happened. I thought I had figured out who some of my true friends would be, or friends that I would have in my life for a long time. Ha, partially due to all the drama and one friend, I realized otherwise. Going home was something I wanted to do, but didn't want to deal with because of my family. Yet, the first week at least there was so much drama. I got sick of it. A stranger could cut the air with the drama in the rooms. And it wasn't like I had started anything either. I thought my friends I made in high school would have grown up some with all the "high school" drama, but turns out, when you get the old click back together-everyone falls back into routine habits. I'll admit, I made the mistake of doing so for a day or two. Then I realized how stupid I was being for 1)being high schooler-ish with my conversations, 2)actually caring what these people thought of me. When I think about it, probably in ten years, I won't talk to these people anymore, as sad as that may be in some cases. The whole time I was home it was drama after drama. College and/or graduation really doesn't change people, and I finally saw some of my "friends" as what they truely were deep inside. Now not all of them were bad, but each of us has flaws, and I used to be the person that never said anything about the flaws-if I noticed them. But not anymore, and me speaking out, ha did not go over well. Above all, I was just sick of drama. I am constantly told by someone that all I am is drama. He often calls me a drama queen, and I am sick of it. Drama is what I was used to back home, and now, I don't want a part of it. As one friend put it:
"I think God puts people in our lives to shape us into who he wants us to be. It is okay to just be an aquaintance with someone, or to not have a best friend relationship with someone anymore. And I don't think God puts people in our lives to stay our 'friends forever' that cause drama if you don't want it. That's not a godly friend, for they will always bring you down in some way."
So from that point on, I have come to the realization that I like how she views that haha. I hang out with my old friends, I talk about stuff, but as soon as something is brought up that might start things, I end it. No need for it. Now I just hope I can continue to do it, and hopefully not be that "drama queen" anymore.
Another thing I have noticed more since summer: Ya know the saying "Out of sight, out of mind?" Welp, ya never notice how much it really is true till you step back and take a look. Now, I could be a little, not paranoid, but noticing it more since I have absolutely nothing to do for this week, but still. It's like, when I am home-people want to hang out, when I am at school during the year-people want to hang out. But no matter how much they say "keep in touch" or "I'll miss you, let's make sure we see each other," it doesn't change. People still forget, or become "too busy" for friends. People that I hung out with back home for two weeks, everyday, don't talk to me in any way now that I am not there. It's like, if I am not there to be with, I am not important enough to talk too. Same even with some of my college friends. Too busy, or to afraid to admit they just don't want to talk to me, I don't know. Either way, I can guarantee some of those people will come back saying "I missed you! Why didn't you talk to me? It's like you fell off the face of the Earth." To which I correct them and inform them that it takes two to tango (or make a conversation ha). I guess it just makes me wonder if people are truly your friend, if they only really care to talk/hang out, when you are close by/within walking distance. Now I am not fussing trying to say I want attention, that's not the case. I just, I like to talk to people, to keep in touch with friends, but I am finding it hard lately to do so. It's not like I ask for conversation everyday, of every minute. But a text once and while, or even a text back, just trying to make contact would be nice. Besides, I always hate those long sappy facebook messages of people trying to update each other on their lives. ha (I know, I am occasionally guilty of it).
On the family note (and I am sorry this is such a somber, depressing blog. You don't have to read it) in fact, this part is kind of me venting or expressing feelings about family. Because lately, I haven't had anyone I can talk to about it. People don't care to hear, are too busy, or just, I do't know. They don't understand, and the people I could talk to that did, don't have time. Anyways. I just don't know about my dad anymore. Late one night, while I was home, my brother and sis-in-law stopped by to give me something. I miss them a lot, and talking to them. Yet whenever dad was brought up, my brother sounded like he had lost all hope in him. This gets embarrassing, but I told my brother how dad had gone to the bathroom all over the room the other day, because he couldn't hold himself up. To which my brother blatently replied, "As bad as it sounds, I don't think he is going to make it much longer." Referring to living. It's as if everytime I come home, he is worse. I mean just within the two weeks I was home, I had to constantly pick him off the floor, make him food, he couldnt walk, yet two days he tried to talk to the hospital and fast mart to get food. I mean, one day he was arguing with mom and said "Ya know, for being 70 years old, I am doing just fine." MY DAD IS 50! He is losing it, and I can't do anything to help it. And the annoying part of it is, he doesn't care to try. Mom told me about his new doctors visit (I can't even count how many doctors he has gone through) and how he flat out told her that he doesn't do things around the house cause he doesn't want too. He is being lazy and it's frustrating. To be quite honest, part of my hates him for everything he has done to me, and the family. I don't even exist to my grandmother anymore. Yet apparently she wanted to call and fuss at me cause I never told her about Master's Twelve concerts. She has NEVER cared, so why now? Why that ONE thing? Yet the part of me that doesn't hate my dad, is laying real heavy on my heart right now. With what my brother told me about dad not making it much longer, it kills me. For so long he hasn't acted like my dad till he need to tell me what to do with my life. Which always occured at the worst times. So I never talked to my dad. Here I have this close relationship with mom, where I tell her pretty much everything. And my dad doesn't even know what I am in school for. And it's my fault. He will sit with us at meals, and I will talk and look at mom. Then from a side view see him just sitting there, totally lost cause he has no idea hat I am talking about. I sit and the table with him and end up talking as if he isn't there, and that's WRONG. Sometimes he tries to be with me, and instead, I don't know why, I just get so irritated about it, as if I don't want him around. And then I feel bad cause all he wants to do is spend time with me, even though he does the stupidest stuff. And it kills me even more because things with him are just habit now. When he walks to the fast mart to buy food and asks if I want something, it's just so easy to say 'no' and then go out to eat with mom. And I feel guilty about it, cause I know when I am at school, he sits at home by himself, and eats by himself. And I know he is lonely, yet I never try fix things when I am home. And for that I am a horrible daughter. I sit there and see my dad hurting, sick and lonely, and yet I can't bring myself to leave my room and be with him. And when he tells me he loves me, it's just habit to say it, I don't feel it. But when I left this past week, I cried. He said it, and I thought, with what my brother said, what if it was the last time? I said it so apathetically. I feel like such a horrible person for it. I just can't bring myself to do otherwise! ARGH! I just don't know what to do. I know everyone's probably thinking, just go talk to him, hang out with him. But it is way easier said than done. Don't get me wrong, I used to do stuff with dad, like ride bicycles and motorcyles and what not, but now he isn't healthy enough to do anything, I mean, I used to get him to play volleyball now I can't get him to stay awake to watch a show with me. I want things to change, I just. I really just don't know.
Being in this dorm pretty much alone doesn't help things right now. I have all the time in the world to sit and think, and I am tired of sitting and thinking. So I am sorry that this is such an emo blog. I just needed to get things out. Flat out right now-I am lonely. I just want people to talk to. But in a week it won't matter. I'll be at camp. Also, I just want to sleep. I am tired, my eyes are heavy, but I can't bring myself to actually sleep. Hope y'all are having better luck. And a good summer. bye..
Traveling this summer is something I think I need. Not just for myself physically, but spiritually. I noticed that lately I haven't been relying, or studying God's word as much as I should, so maybe I can get back on track. However, since summer has technically started, I am just at a loss for words for everything that has happened. I thought I had figured out who some of my true friends would be, or friends that I would have in my life for a long time. Ha, partially due to all the drama and one friend, I realized otherwise. Going home was something I wanted to do, but didn't want to deal with because of my family. Yet, the first week at least there was so much drama. I got sick of it. A stranger could cut the air with the drama in the rooms. And it wasn't like I had started anything either. I thought my friends I made in high school would have grown up some with all the "high school" drama, but turns out, when you get the old click back together-everyone falls back into routine habits. I'll admit, I made the mistake of doing so for a day or two. Then I realized how stupid I was being for 1)being high schooler-ish with my conversations, 2)actually caring what these people thought of me. When I think about it, probably in ten years, I won't talk to these people anymore, as sad as that may be in some cases. The whole time I was home it was drama after drama. College and/or graduation really doesn't change people, and I finally saw some of my "friends" as what they truely were deep inside. Now not all of them were bad, but each of us has flaws, and I used to be the person that never said anything about the flaws-if I noticed them. But not anymore, and me speaking out, ha did not go over well. Above all, I was just sick of drama. I am constantly told by someone that all I am is drama. He often calls me a drama queen, and I am sick of it. Drama is what I was used to back home, and now, I don't want a part of it. As one friend put it:
"I think God puts people in our lives to shape us into who he wants us to be. It is okay to just be an aquaintance with someone, or to not have a best friend relationship with someone anymore. And I don't think God puts people in our lives to stay our 'friends forever' that cause drama if you don't want it. That's not a godly friend, for they will always bring you down in some way."
So from that point on, I have come to the realization that I like how she views that haha. I hang out with my old friends, I talk about stuff, but as soon as something is brought up that might start things, I end it. No need for it. Now I just hope I can continue to do it, and hopefully not be that "drama queen" anymore.
Another thing I have noticed more since summer: Ya know the saying "Out of sight, out of mind?" Welp, ya never notice how much it really is true till you step back and take a look. Now, I could be a little, not paranoid, but noticing it more since I have absolutely nothing to do for this week, but still. It's like, when I am home-people want to hang out, when I am at school during the year-people want to hang out. But no matter how much they say "keep in touch" or "I'll miss you, let's make sure we see each other," it doesn't change. People still forget, or become "too busy" for friends. People that I hung out with back home for two weeks, everyday, don't talk to me in any way now that I am not there. It's like, if I am not there to be with, I am not important enough to talk too. Same even with some of my college friends. Too busy, or to afraid to admit they just don't want to talk to me, I don't know. Either way, I can guarantee some of those people will come back saying "I missed you! Why didn't you talk to me? It's like you fell off the face of the Earth." To which I correct them and inform them that it takes two to tango (or make a conversation ha). I guess it just makes me wonder if people are truly your friend, if they only really care to talk/hang out, when you are close by/within walking distance. Now I am not fussing trying to say I want attention, that's not the case. I just, I like to talk to people, to keep in touch with friends, but I am finding it hard lately to do so. It's not like I ask for conversation everyday, of every minute. But a text once and while, or even a text back, just trying to make contact would be nice. Besides, I always hate those long sappy facebook messages of people trying to update each other on their lives. ha (I know, I am occasionally guilty of it).
On the family note (and I am sorry this is such a somber, depressing blog. You don't have to read it) in fact, this part is kind of me venting or expressing feelings about family. Because lately, I haven't had anyone I can talk to about it. People don't care to hear, are too busy, or just, I do't know. They don't understand, and the people I could talk to that did, don't have time. Anyways. I just don't know about my dad anymore. Late one night, while I was home, my brother and sis-in-law stopped by to give me something. I miss them a lot, and talking to them. Yet whenever dad was brought up, my brother sounded like he had lost all hope in him. This gets embarrassing, but I told my brother how dad had gone to the bathroom all over the room the other day, because he couldn't hold himself up. To which my brother blatently replied, "As bad as it sounds, I don't think he is going to make it much longer." Referring to living. It's as if everytime I come home, he is worse. I mean just within the two weeks I was home, I had to constantly pick him off the floor, make him food, he couldnt walk, yet two days he tried to talk to the hospital and fast mart to get food. I mean, one day he was arguing with mom and said "Ya know, for being 70 years old, I am doing just fine." MY DAD IS 50! He is losing it, and I can't do anything to help it. And the annoying part of it is, he doesn't care to try. Mom told me about his new doctors visit (I can't even count how many doctors he has gone through) and how he flat out told her that he doesn't do things around the house cause he doesn't want too. He is being lazy and it's frustrating. To be quite honest, part of my hates him for everything he has done to me, and the family. I don't even exist to my grandmother anymore. Yet apparently she wanted to call and fuss at me cause I never told her about Master's Twelve concerts. She has NEVER cared, so why now? Why that ONE thing? Yet the part of me that doesn't hate my dad, is laying real heavy on my heart right now. With what my brother told me about dad not making it much longer, it kills me. For so long he hasn't acted like my dad till he need to tell me what to do with my life. Which always occured at the worst times. So I never talked to my dad. Here I have this close relationship with mom, where I tell her pretty much everything. And my dad doesn't even know what I am in school for. And it's my fault. He will sit with us at meals, and I will talk and look at mom. Then from a side view see him just sitting there, totally lost cause he has no idea hat I am talking about. I sit and the table with him and end up talking as if he isn't there, and that's WRONG. Sometimes he tries to be with me, and instead, I don't know why, I just get so irritated about it, as if I don't want him around. And then I feel bad cause all he wants to do is spend time with me, even though he does the stupidest stuff. And it kills me even more because things with him are just habit now. When he walks to the fast mart to buy food and asks if I want something, it's just so easy to say 'no' and then go out to eat with mom. And I feel guilty about it, cause I know when I am at school, he sits at home by himself, and eats by himself. And I know he is lonely, yet I never try fix things when I am home. And for that I am a horrible daughter. I sit there and see my dad hurting, sick and lonely, and yet I can't bring myself to leave my room and be with him. And when he tells me he loves me, it's just habit to say it, I don't feel it. But when I left this past week, I cried. He said it, and I thought, with what my brother said, what if it was the last time? I said it so apathetically. I feel like such a horrible person for it. I just can't bring myself to do otherwise! ARGH! I just don't know what to do. I know everyone's probably thinking, just go talk to him, hang out with him. But it is way easier said than done. Don't get me wrong, I used to do stuff with dad, like ride bicycles and motorcyles and what not, but now he isn't healthy enough to do anything, I mean, I used to get him to play volleyball now I can't get him to stay awake to watch a show with me. I want things to change, I just. I really just don't know.
Being in this dorm pretty much alone doesn't help things right now. I have all the time in the world to sit and think, and I am tired of sitting and thinking. So I am sorry that this is such an emo blog. I just needed to get things out. Flat out right now-I am lonely. I just want people to talk to. But in a week it won't matter. I'll be at camp. Also, I just want to sleep. I am tired, my eyes are heavy, but I can't bring myself to actually sleep. Hope y'all are having better luck. And a good summer. bye..
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Threw me for a loop
So I haven't written on here in a while, and tonight will not be an update so to speak on life. Rather, I want to discuss/share, anything something I read today.
So I have been reading this book about relationships (book will remain nameless for time being) and it has seemed to be a pretty good book. I have found that while reading it, I am more carefree about relationships and such (good/bad, haven't decided yet). Anyways, whilst reading tonight, I came across the two chapters that dealt with porn in relationships. One chapter dealt with male pornography, the other chapter with female pornography. Reading the titles I thought it would be just about how it's bad and affects a persons relationship/marriability. However, it discussed how men looking at porn can be seen by women as their husbands cheating on them. And for women, how a simple chick flick is considered porn. It blew my mind! Yet, I feel that these chapters may have made some good points(?). For example:
Male porn was seen as cheating. It discussed how pornography is an addiction, and that it will grow and want more and more. And also the porn will become more graphic. I had not thought of the fact that the need or more intensity would grow. But more within the chapter, it dealt with the fact that women who are okay with the significant others looking at porn, were cheating themselves out. It was teaching the men habits of imagining other women, and that eventually their own wives would become less attractive because of these hotter women they see. Also, that it would be cheating because they are easily seeing women and not saying no, to a simple internet site. What if it was a real woman, in real life?
Female porn boggled me even more. Chick flicks=porn in a sense? Never would have thought of that one. Not saying I totally agree with it, but I can kind of see where these writers get the idea. They say how women go and see chick flicks, and the steamy romance scenes they crave. They grow up watching them and hoping for a perfect relationship like that, etc etc. But to me the chapter just made it seem like women were hoping for the perfect life, and unrealistically at that. I guess their idea of men not being as attracted to their wives because of the "hot babes online" could be the same for women and their "steamy mcdreamy in the movie."
maybe? hah. I just don't know. These chapters just kind of threw me for a loop, and like I said, I don't necessarily agree with what was said. Thoughts? Opinions? Theories? ANYTHING? ha, just tell me what you think from the little I gave. Just curious how others think of it. (and I know it's a weird topic, sorry.) mkbye.
So I have been reading this book about relationships (book will remain nameless for time being) and it has seemed to be a pretty good book. I have found that while reading it, I am more carefree about relationships and such (good/bad, haven't decided yet). Anyways, whilst reading tonight, I came across the two chapters that dealt with porn in relationships. One chapter dealt with male pornography, the other chapter with female pornography. Reading the titles I thought it would be just about how it's bad and affects a persons relationship/marriability. However, it discussed how men looking at porn can be seen by women as their husbands cheating on them. And for women, how a simple chick flick is considered porn. It blew my mind! Yet, I feel that these chapters may have made some good points(?). For example:
Male porn was seen as cheating. It discussed how pornography is an addiction, and that it will grow and want more and more. And also the porn will become more graphic. I had not thought of the fact that the need or more intensity would grow. But more within the chapter, it dealt with the fact that women who are okay with the significant others looking at porn, were cheating themselves out. It was teaching the men habits of imagining other women, and that eventually their own wives would become less attractive because of these hotter women they see. Also, that it would be cheating because they are easily seeing women and not saying no, to a simple internet site. What if it was a real woman, in real life?
Female porn boggled me even more. Chick flicks=porn in a sense? Never would have thought of that one. Not saying I totally agree with it, but I can kind of see where these writers get the idea. They say how women go and see chick flicks, and the steamy romance scenes they crave. They grow up watching them and hoping for a perfect relationship like that, etc etc. But to me the chapter just made it seem like women were hoping for the perfect life, and unrealistically at that. I guess their idea of men not being as attracted to their wives because of the "hot babes online" could be the same for women and their "steamy mcdreamy in the movie."
maybe? hah. I just don't know. These chapters just kind of threw me for a loop, and like I said, I don't necessarily agree with what was said. Thoughts? Opinions? Theories? ANYTHING? ha, just tell me what you think from the little I gave. Just curious how others think of it. (and I know it's a weird topic, sorry.) mkbye.
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