conundrum

i enjoy blogging, though my lack of posts suggests otherwise. i like writing about things in general, voicing my opinions, my feelings, anything that goes through this hodge-podge of fragmental thoughts i like to call a brain. but there are times that i feel i should not blog. there are things i feel i can't state on here. mainly, its a fear of certain people (no one in particular) reading what i may write and taking it the wrong way, or blowing it out of proportion, etc. so that means i shouldn't write about it then, right? "if you cant say anything nice, then dont say anything at all." though, some of the things aren't necessarily bad! i dont know. i have a tendency to bottle up emotions and thoughts, read into things to much, and frankly be a pessimist. those are the moments when i feel the need to blog the most though, once my glass is overflowing. sometimes its as silly as wanting to update my facebook status to say something that will make people wonder what its about, just so i can talk about it. but to be quite honest, most of the time it's not their business. so again, i just shouldn't put it out there.

i should invest in a diary..

but i get tired of writing all the time. my hand will get sore, and therefore i will loose interest in writing what im feeling. so.."why not keep an online diary?" like on my computer. well, cause it would take up to much space to be real about it. so "post it somewhere online." well, thats the point of a blog sometimes. but i just feel flat out wrong, like it is immature to express my emotions and 'drama' online for others to see. therein lies my, well, conundrum i guess. and i cant make it hidden because someone, somewhere, will eventually find it. thank you google..

its not that i am afraid people wont like me, its not that im not confident nor care what people think. in a sense, i do care, but that is because i dont want people to perceive me as something i am not. and above all, i dont like toying with peoples emotions. this includes getting their hopes up for nothing, hurting their feelings, making them mad, frustrating them, etc.

so what's a girl to do? should i even keep my blog? haha (this is actually kind of funny to me. sounds so childish).