Yep, I think that word pretty much describes life at the moment. Or at least how I have felt the past few days. I am almost certain this feeling/attitude is a direct response to several things happening in life at the moment.
1-being I think I am getting sick: I THINK I am getting sick. I'm not sure. My throat has been killing me, but I think it is partially due to the bi-polar weather we've been having. Having my window still open doesn't seem to help. Guess I'll shut that tonight.
2- I seem to constantly stay confused about any and everything. Whether it be school, family, friends, or relationships. I am confused and out of the loop. I know where I want to be going with life and all that jazz, but I don't know where I am heading at the moment. School isn't kicking my butt really, I just can't find the motivation for it no matter how hard I try. Being at ECSU, I think, hasn't helped with the confusion because I never know what is going on at MACU. People are doing this now, this was said blah blah. Of course it's all drama but my friends expect me to know it all, and I don't. Family wise-apparently Dad never really was bi-polar? I don't know. I am not even going into all that cause it frustrates me. Relationship wise- I have no clue what is going on. I know what I feel, I know what that person says he feels, but I don't the truth behind all of it. I trust said person, it's just hard to know for sure. And the fact that I seem to know nothing stresses me out, and makes me read into things (which I KNOW I shouldn't). [note:i am trying real hard to not read into anything and take things as they are.]
3-I am just ready to be done. It is odd saying this because I am only a junior, technically. One might hear a senior say they are ready to graduate, but I am totally ready to be done. I am done with everything there is about college. Don't get me wrong, college can be great and I think it's something most people should do, but I am just tired of it. The drama, the stress, the busy work. That's all my homework seems to be is busy work. I am not learning from it, it's just something for teachers to grade. I love the fact that I am sort of on my own, I am away from home, but I feel like I am at a private high school here with more testosterone and raging hormones. It's like everyday someone is crying or upset. I am sorry for those of you who are, but suck it up once and a while. I don't mean to offend anyone reading this, but for real-not everyone in the world outside of MACU is going to sit there and stroke your hair because you are crying over silly things.
I am sorry if this is depressing/emo/mean. It's just what's partially on my mind. I can't let go of certain things that are weighing heavy right now. And I am sick of confusion. All these previous remarks are what is causing me to sit in my room wanting to skip class but having no real reason too. I feel like a hermit at times. And I feel myself disliking more and more people. I don't like it. But what can ya do?
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