One way to care?

Caring -|ˈke(ə)ri ng |-adjective: displaying kindness and concern for others


What does it mean for you to care for someone? Or better yet, how do you show you care? I care for people, Jesus cared for people (which I'll get to later on). Yet apparently, I don't show it correctly. But is there really a correct way of showing care, or concern?

After discussion with a few people, I have come to the conclusion that there is no one way to show that you care. There is the (1)care that it shown through discussion, "I care so much about you!" There is the (2)care showing through actions, such as buying someone gifts. Then there is the (3)care that requires you to involve yourself in someone else's life/business. But sometimes I think that one may actually do the opposite.

1: The verbal care for someone is often times the one most people strive to get, I think. I mean, yeah they want physical care and concern, but they’d rather hear about it. Let’s take these scenarios: When you are sick and in the hospital, you want people to say “Oh, I am praying for you!” or “I hope you get better!” anything along those lines, right? Right. When you miss classes for a day and don’t show, you want people to ask “Hey! Why weren’t you in class?” The verbal recognition of their concern appeals to you. You think, if they say it-they mean it.

2: Then there is the physical care. When a boyfriend buys you gifts, it’s cause he loves you and cares for you blah blah. Or, back to the scenarios: Whilst in the hospital, someone buys you a card, balloons, and flowers. Or gets your homework and test materials for you when you miss class. It shows they care to spend the money on you to show their love. This is where you’d insert, “action speak louder than words.” If a person can’t seem to say they love you, or say they care for you, they must be able to show it right?

3: Finally, the care that requires you to get involved. This is more in depth care. This kind of care comes from a relationship that isn’t surfaced based. This would be the type of relationship a best friend, sibling, or room mate would have. It’s great to be involved in their lives, but I think sometimes it can push a limit. Unfortunately, I can’t use the same two scenarios for this one. But lets say, your friend has been in this situation where you feel (s)he is getting herself in trouble, or possibly hurt (we will say emotionally, not physically). Keep in mind, this is the first time. I feel then, it would be okay to say something. Maybe mention to your friend that you think it’s not a good idea or something, but let (s)he make their own mistake (if it even is a mistake). Okay, flash forward to after they have gotten themselves in trouble, you’ve shared your opinions and feelings, yet! they decided to do it again. This is where I feel the fine line between care and reprimanding(?) gets hazy. It’s okay to mention to your friend, “Hey, ya know, you’ve kinda been down this road before. Are you sure you want to do it again?” But I feel that is all that should be said. If your friend chooses to make their mistake, let them. You are not their parent (well, maybe you are) nor their leader; you are their friend, their companion, their person to fall back on. And I know it can get tiring, especially if they do it habitually. But so what? That’s when you choose to either be there, or tell them to find someone else cause you can’t get them to notice it’s their habit. 
Now, if they come to you with this problem, don’t be afraid to listen. I think too often we are quick to judge or reprimand, rather than listen. And in all reality, you know that they’ve probably realized how stupid they were already, no need to throw it in their faces. But this is where it becomes a problem for me. I have family, and I have friends that if this were to happen between us, they would yell and reprimand me and scold me for my wrong doings. They feel that yelling shows how concerned they are, that if they show how much it irritates them they can get their point across. And I flat out hate it, and disagree. I know when my Mom cares, she doesn’t yell, she becomes quite. The stillness in her voice, the quietness of the room-you could hear a pin drop, but it’s actually the guilt or pain you hear thudding on the floor of your heart. I think it does more to be quiet to show you are hurt or care, more than it does to yell. Yelling puts people (or at least me) on the defense first, making me want to close my ears and not listen. So that is what I do. I stay calm.

I am told I can’t show care, love, concern very well, especially to other girls. This is true, and I think a big part of this is owed to a struggle I had. I’m not going to go into detail, but it made me feel very awkward around other girls, which today I still do. So me telling girls “I love you” or “I care for you” is very hard for me to do. Even making things for them is sometimes hard. I don’t have funds to go buy things to show I care, and I don’t always have the creative juices flowing to make things. Therefore, people think I don’t have the capacity to care. But I do! I have the capacity to love you more than you could imagine, I just can’t show it. I do a better job with guys, but even then it’s with guys I have crushes on. So because I don’t express it verbally or physically, I try and listen, try and help people with their problems. However, sometimes I find I fail in that department of concern as well. My friend may come to me angry about a situation in which they were stupid twice (meaning, did the same thing, was told not to do it again, and then did it), knowing that I had also done something similar. They expect me to reprimand them and call them hypocritical cause they yelled at me about it weeks before. Yet I don’t, I stay quiet and calm, letting them reflect on what they’ve told me and how they feel. I don’t put my input in, I don’t yell. To me, yelling is a lot like arguing, since it is a big part of it. Arguing gets you no where; it just hurts someone, if not both that are arguing. But these actions don’t satisfy the person, they’d rather I gave them my two sense. I feel that if you put your two sense in more than once, you are just pissing in the wind because they didn’t listen the first time. Also, what you or I may have to say, probably isn’t what they want to hear, and can hurt them. I know sometimes when I make a mistake, I just want to vent about it. Sometimes my friends like to tell me their opinions, which is okay, but the tone in which it is given could change sometimes. Anywho, I am just rambling now.

To answer my original question: no, I don’t think, I know there isn’t one way to show care/love. Look at Jesus, he did so many things verbally: telling the apostles he loved them, telling his Father he loved Him, etc. physically, such as: feeding the multitudes of people, gathering with the disciples, washing their feet. And he also listened to people with their problems. He would give his two cents (but Jesus’ two cents is worth a LOT more than ours haha) and would help them. He would reprimand where needed, he wasn’t afraid to raise his voice, or cry with them. If Jesus could show care/love in those ways, we can too. People just need to understand that there is no right or wrong way of showing it. There is just a way you prefer over others, and people can’t read your mind to know.