Shed my Skin

Notice: These are ramblings..

Sometimes I wish I could be someone else. Not necessarily a celebrity, or someone who has what I want. Rather be someone else to see Erin Miller from an outside person. Better yet, I wish I could be a fly on the wall. Floating around, observing human body, and others. Eventually realizing the truth vs. lies, the realistic vs. unrealistic. I wonder so often what my life could be like if certain things were different. Don't get me wrong, I am blessed in ways some people couldn't imagine, but there will always be those moments that I wish I could step away from my life. Find out what people really think/feel or say about me, their motives, sometimes random stuff. I get tired of being depressed about dumb things, but I can't seem to fix it. Lately, it has been taking a toll on me physically. I am tired, grumpy, emotional, and my chest just hurts. Not good. I am not sure the root of these feelings, though I have an idea. I pray with all my feeble heart that I am wrong though. Sometimes I just don't like me. I know, I know. "But God loves you just the way you are." That's all fine and dandy, but I want to love myself too. I want to feel happy and confident in decisions. Not scared. I can easily cry and play things out loud in my room alone, but when faced with the actual situation I can't even bring myself near those same words. I am a unconfident, nervous, worry wart, scaredy cat. Why can't I change that? Or at least an easy way.. I want to like me, and be the person I was. Stand up for all the morals and beliefs I once had, but I don't. I've lost my backbone, I've stepped back into the shadows. I'm just rambling now.

I just want to find me, ...again.