Debbie Downers

What I don't get: How people can have crappy days, and just come in and make yours bad as well. Freaking "Debbie Downers" (No offense to those named Debbie, I didn't come up with the saying). But it's like, there is a difference between being realistic, harsh, harsh realistic, and just a plain snot bucket about things. Like, when someone is constantly supported in everything they want to do by one person, that person is always there to help them cause that's who they are, wouldn't you expect them to want the same back? or do the same, vice versa? I hate how I can be there for people all the time, support them in most everything they do. Yet when I choose to do something, when I come up with an IDEA for something, automatically I am shot down. All my life I have been told I am not good enough, I am not up to par, I don't have the talent. So when I say hey, I think I want to go to school here to better the ONE thing I am confident in, or want to be good at, I would love some support.And when people decide to bring me down, or try to keep my places cause it makes them look good, or they don't want me gone..I mean, that's selfish. It's not like I won't talk to those people later in life. Now, I get support from several people, and respect and cherish them. But I hate when others shoot me down, bring me down, or just straight tell me no, that it can't happen. It's like-for real?! Bah hum bug. There apathetic attitude ends up bringing me down and it sucks, so hence why this blog is so negative-apologies. Don't read it if you don't want too. I finally get parental, well Mom's, support in what I want (it's not anything bad I promise) but I mean, even some of my closest friends seem to have a hard time letting me get there. I'm not asking for fiscal support, I want words or people saying "Hey! Ya know what Erin? I think you can do this. I have faith in you! And don't worry, God is there too, don't forget." But I don't get that.

I try not to talk about it often, because it brings me down. But of course I talked with Mike about it all tonight. I feel useless in anything. I feel I don't have strong talents or am really smart, I pretty much feel like, if I am lucky, I'll end up in LA or NY in an apartment as a bachelorette, working some 9-5 job as secretary or server, till some guy comes along. I don't want that. I want to make it as something, or do something. Even if it's just inspiring people to go for what they believe. But I hate when I say hey I want to go here, or do that and people are like, you can't even afford where you're at, how are you going to do. I want to punch them in the face. I mean for real, you think I don't know I can't afford it? You think I am completely dumb? gahh. I don't know. I am just irritated right now. So I am going to go to bed i figure.