forgettable

forgettable |fərˈgetəbəl|adjectiveeasily forgotten, esp. through being uninteresting or mediocre.

So I was thinking: this morning in class, EVERYONE had their computer (myself included). Tonight, while snowing, and sitting in my room, I was on my computer and my phone. People are so involved with technology! Phones, computers, ipods, twitter, facebook, email, chatroulette, you name it. We are enthralled in it. I think it has hindered us so much within these past few years that we forget about the important things in life. To love and care for one another, and to show them who Christ is. Sure we can use technology to do so, but what about those that don't have it? There are always going to be people you can't reach via internet, people that long for the physical relationships rather technological. I am not one to preach because I spend so much time on facebook and email. I applaud those that fast from it every now and then, for I have a hard time with trying that. But I don't want to be one of those people that sits on the computer 24/7 and forgets to interact with others. That's my goal, to come out of the shell and make deeper relationships. To not sit and expect them to have facebook and chat on their occasionally. Don't become one of those people either..get out there. People all over the world need what we have, Christ.

New beginnings

So today marks the beginning of a new semester. Registration is officially over, and I start all my classes bright and early tomorrow at 8am. I'm kind of excited about this for a couple of reasons: a majority of my classes are at MACU, so I'll feel like I belong again rather than the stranger on campus. Also, I have switched back to the worship minor since I can't afford the Music Education at ECSU-this all means I'll be done with school a LOT sooner than anticipated. The only bad thing I've found so far is that since I couldn't do much here, I have a hard time socializing now. Eh, I'll work on it.

I start my "job"/practicum at West Park on Wednesday (which also is Mike's birthday). I'm kind of nervous. At the same time, I think it will be a great experience. We shall see what God has in store with this.

Relationships with all people seem to be just fine. I seem to have taken an "I don't really care" attitude. Good and bad..because I don't get involved in people's drama, and good cause I can still be involved. Question though: if something is bothering you, and you don't tell people..what is your reasoning? See, I tell people things that bother me-at the right time, and place if I can find one. Yet, if I've mentioned it before to the same person more than once, why bother mentioning it? Am I wrong? If they don't change it the first couple of times, then I learn to just get over it and look past it. Tell me if you think I'm wrong with this idea.

Hope everyone is excited to start classes back up. It will be a good semester, promise. :) laterrr

I want

I want to be a great Christian.

..a great friend

..a great mother

..a great sister

..a great follower of Christ

..an inspiration

..a leader

..a better child of God.

I want to be so lost in God's word, that a man will have to find Him to find me.

..to be someone kids can look up too

..number one, under God, in my spouse's life

..to be on someone's mind often

..to be the one that gets spoken to first

..to be crazy about someone that is crazy for me

..not to feel infatuated with, but loved by others

..to not be only infatuated.

I want my feelings to matter to those that matter to me

..to not be pushed aside

..to be everything in a woman that someone has ever prayed to God for

..to be special

..to be respectful and respected

..to be loved and love in return

..to know why I am loved

..to not choose friends first

I want to be able to be a great spouse

..to provide for my kids

..help those in need

..work more in a Church

..put others before me

I want to stop feeling second rate

..second pick

..to feel confident again

..to not care what some people think about me

..live life each day to the fullest

I want to provide for the person I love, in a way that is holy and pleasing to God. I want to be everything and more for someone, and them for me. To do all these things I want, and more for them. I am ready to grow up and live life the way I should.

It's amazing to see how many things we want in life. From ourselves, our friends, family, boyfriend/girlfriend. We make lists and hope to meet every one of those criteria, yet we don't. We shoot down possibilities to be happy because we think we know what we deserve. In some ways we do, other times we have no idea. Lists like these are almost impossible to fill. These are not criteria that a spouse or friend need to match up to alone. It is up to us, as the creators of the list, to work on things ourselves. We can't expect a significant other to help us alone on self-confidence. If we have in our mind that we are always second best to who or what ever, then it is made up in our minds no matter what someone else says. We have to take the steps hand in hand with them to make it better. Completely break the mold that has been set, and rebuild it. It is part of the path to growing up and becoming the child God wants you to be. It is a rough and scary path, but God places people in our lives to walk with us, to hold our hand and be there so we aren't so scared. But don't leave it up to them to do all the work. Get your hands dirty, up to your elbows in work. Learn to love who you are, because believe it or not, things do work out. We may not see it, or want it that certain way at first, but God knows best. You'll find the best friends, the best significant other, the best job, you just have to trust. Don't lower standards for anyone because all of those will happen and be the best because they like you for YOU. Always remember that, and trust in God.

Until next time...

A penny for your thoughts

What is love to you?

That's the question I pose to you readers. I want to know what you think is love. How do you know when you love someone, or something? Do you love someone or something? Why? What makes your love for that person or thing blossom and grow into more than a mere infatuation. I just want to know your takes, where you stand with that word. Do you consider love to be perfect, with no pain, no strife, no conflict? Is it something that continues to grow the more it is experienced, the more you see it, show it, feel it? It is different for each person.

According to the dictionary, love is defined more than one way:

(1)an intense feeling of deep affection, (2) a person or thing that one loves, (3) (in tennis, squash, and some other sports) a score of zero; nil

but we are excluding the third definition, because that I don't really care for right now. hah. So let me ask again,

What is/does love mean to you?

grateful |ˈgrātfəl|-adjective, feeling or showing an appreciation of kindness;thankful

I know it is past Thanksgiving, and I meant to post a blog like this on Thanksgiving Day. However, I did not do so, and this actually pleases me. I feel now is a better time to post a blog as such, for I am more thankful now than I was then. So I want to just thank some people, even though they may not read this.

Mom-No matter how many times we argue and bicker with each other, she always shows some way that she cares. At times I feel I take advantage of her, and I am sure I do. She is always providing me ways out when I am in trouble, such as not having enough money for gas. She always takes care of things when I don't know what I am doing, such as speeding tickets (haha). And she is always willing to teach me over and over what I have already learned, such as paying bills and playing piano. At times she can loose her temper with me when I come home, but it never fails that she will cry her eyes out when I leave. She loves me more than I can imagine. She deals with so much and I am just thankful for her. She has always stood by me, supported me, and never left.

Dad-Although I get so angry and frustrated with Dad a lot, I can't help but to thank him. Through his "sickness" and everything, I have been through trials time and time again that have made me grow. Dealing with things pertaining to Dad has helped me grow to be who I am now. While at times I can be totally childish and immature, I can be mature and responsible. He has taught me compassion and love towards people even when I don't want to show it. It is easier to understand and relate to people now because I have been down those roads, or can imagine them. And to be honest, I can't imagine a life less hectic, no matter how bad I wanted it-I am thankful for all the craziness that teaches me life.

Taylor & Amanda- You two are my best friends. It's odd to think that meeting each other in showchoir, where you guys kind of hated me, is where our friendship would start. You guys have put up with my craziness, stupidity, lack of showing love, and mistakes and still accept me. From wrong dance moves, getting grounded for going somewhere else than we originally said, to ignoring you for a year of college. You knew that I loved you, and wasn't trying to push you away. So thanks for always trying though I may not seem like I do. I love you guys.

Danielle-You are a great room mate. flat out. I know I neglect you as such at times, often actually. But know I care. Thank you for always buying me food when I am starving, for washing dishes, or taking out trash when I don't, for buying me random gifts. You put up with almost as much as my mom, I mean, since we do live together haha. With my laziness, drama, gossip, etc. Thank you :)

Michael- (and yes I put that cause I wanted too :}) Welp, three years boyfraaan. Hm, I dont really even know where to start with you. With my immaturity, emotional-almost bi-polar states, to lazy, whiny and grumpy, ha and even my scary excited self, you've dealt with it all. Maybe not consecutively, but at some point in those three years you have. And now you do it allll the time :) I am so thankful for you. Even if we were not in the state we are now, I would still thank God for you all the time. You can make me laugh when I am at my worst, and make me feel more confident when I just want to ball up from nerves. You know just the right things to say or do and the right times. You are caring and loving, and of course are a gentleman. You open my door, pay for meals, you are respectful, and mature. This all being a new experience for me, and I love every minute of it. You tend to know what it is I want, even though I don't tell you, you just fit :) You are amazing and have so much talent. Thank you for never giving up on me, finally giving me a chance, and always supporting me in everything I do.

And of course none of the people, nor myself would be anywhere without God. But Him and I have already had our talk. God is truly amazing, and I thank Him most of all for all the great people in my life, and opportunities, even challenges, he provides me with.

There are plenty of other people I have thank you's for, however, it is time for thine slumber. I hope everyone has had a great Thanksgiving Day and break. Study hard for exams, and don't give up! Perseverance is important! Laterrrr :)

Thanksgiving break is approaching rapidly. in fact-for most, it starts tomorrow! however, I was told I have a few classes on Wednesday. bummer. The classes on weds. don't really bother me; it's the fact that I shall be alone in the dorm that night, BORED ha. Then I'll have to wake up real early on Thursday so I can please Mother and be home at a decent time. I wish there was some half-way point between here and home I could stay, t'would make the drive less tiresome.

So not much has really changed since the last blog, yet so many things have changed. ha, make sense? Let's see here: school is still not exciting and completely stressful for me. Luckily, this semester is almost over. However, the class I dislike the most will never end. I just don't get how a teacher can contradict and change their minds on things without thinking how it will directly affect the student. Also, how can a teacher kick a student out of a class?? Makes no sense, and I refuse to type out what happened here. Anyways, other than that class the others are normal. Praise team is over now...saddens me actually. It was my favorite class, and it made Mondays enjoyable. For an hour and half every Monday I finally got to do what I enjoy doing, without all the weight of it having to be perfect on my shoulders. It was bliss for the most part. Um..Church wise, I am continuing at Towne South right now..I still don't feel right there. I joined the Christmas choir under Ms. Bondurant. I figured if I joined in more, maybe I'd feel more like a part of the church, not to mention I miss her teaching.

I HAVE A BOYFRIEND NOW! haha. Mike and I are finally dating. :) It still hasn't quite hit me yet. I think cause it's been 3 years of liking him, that it just feels like we are still in that "talking" phase. But I do enjoy it. There isn't any stress or anything. It's weird right now though..to say Mike is my boyfriend (just not used to it at ALL lol) Also, it's weird to think that for the first time I'll have a boyfriend on a holiday haha. New experience. Yet I seem to date the most busiest guy alive, so I don't think it will be too different haha. :)

Sabrina (my first dog) is gone. She passed away, and it saddens me every time I see border collie. It's going to be weird to go home and her not be there. It almost makes me not want to go home. I miss her a lot.

Um, my camera is officially dead. It works, technically, but I can't push the button in to take pictures. Therefore, it is dead to me. And I am REALLY unhappy about it. I love taking pictures and being able to document things in that way, and I can't. Plus, the trees have all looked so pretty lately and I can't take snapshots :(

Anywho, um..yeah. I think that's all I can really update on right now. Laterr

As of late

So the past few days/weeks haven't been horrible, just not fantastic. School is starting to kick my butt. While kids here have exegetical papers to write, I have musical compositions, translating, and recitals to write and perform. Can't say I would rather write papers, but I'm sure I'd rather do anything other than what I am. ha. It's all just racking up so fast and I just am not prepared for it.

But it's ok, because that just means break is coming closer. While I can't wait to get away from school for a bit, and make money at work, I for sure don't feel like going back to Richmond. I mean, it's a nice place and things are cheaper for me at home (such as food) but I like being away and sort of on my own. I don't have to report to parental units about everything, I can do whatever. Of which all of this will change over break. Plus side is the money I'll hopefully be making. And the yummy thanksgiving foods in which I hope to partake. Thanksgiving break doesn't seem to be very long this year, so I doubt any friends will be coming over, seeing as I live hours away from people I hang out with now.

If I can just make it pass Tuesday this week, I'll be fantastic! Monday's are never my favorite day, but Tuesday is what will be the end of me. Not really, but I am stressing hardcore over it. See, Tuesdays and Thursdays we have what's called student recitals. It's a pass/fail class, and normally one would perform with what their applied lessons are on (mine being voice). However, this coming one is a Music Theory recital in which I have to perform the composition I wrote. I'm already not too fond of the piece to begin with, but I also didn't find a pianist to help me so I am playing it by myself. I don't play in front of people which is making me REAL nervous. I honestly have my fingers crossed that this nor'easter will stay till Tuesday at the latest and things will be cancelled, but I doubt that will happen.

DAVID CROWDER ON WEDNESDAY!! That shall be the highlight of my month I believe. Although it's all the way in Charlotte it will be fun.

I took too long of a nap tonight and now I can't sleep (notice I said tonight-already the problem).

Life is peachy outside of school work. Well, for the most part. I seem to care less about how confused I am with certain situations and am just trying to let things flow the way they should. I am not in control, God is, and I am finally leaving it to Him.

I think I may start another/new blog. Write out feelings based on stuff not so..miniscule and lame. Aka, not my life ha. Maybe more intellectual, thought-provoking topics (if I am even capable of that) haha.

Yup, welp, I think I am on to another movie. It's hot in my room. Laterrrr