Learning Experience

So this summer has proven to be a learning experience on many levels.

For those that don't know, I chose to spend my summer "house sitting" for a friend. Thinking this was going to be great cause I'd get away from home, be on my own, and honestly be an hour closer to someone, reality quickly slapped me in the face. I spent weeks looking for a job, feeling lonely, wanting to move back home, and even ready for school to start back up. Which, side note-I am a Senior in college...I am graduating in May. I can't believe it. In some ways I think I am ready, in others I am still very naive.

So, I'd like to share some of the stuff I have learned while being here.

1- Always make sure your plans are firm :
coming to stay here I thought I already had a job, and was quickly let go. I spent the next month looking for something else to do, when in reality I should've probably just gone home.

2- Don’t ever make decisions based on want alone :
part of me stayed because I wanted to be on my own. Clearly, I was not fully prepared for the responsibility.

3- Whether single or not, loneliness will always be around the corner :
even when I still had a boyfriend there were times I felt really lonely in a house by myself. Unfortunately, where I am living isn’t a place to find a bunch of people to hang out 24/7.

4- If you aren’t willing to make the drive, don’t get a job far away :
the day I got a phone call back about the job at Banana Republic, I was so stoked. Mike had gotten me in with a manager and I thought this was a dream come true. Yet now I find myself hating the job. It is awkward there, and takes so much gas. Not to mention the drive-talk about lonely times. I regret not taking that job at camp, don’t get me wrong, I am appreciative I even have the job I do, but I miss camp, I miss working with kids and making a difference, playing sports doing what I love while furthering God’s Kingdom.

5- Don’t make someone a priority, if they are not going to do the same :
No matter how much you put into a relationship of any sort, if the other half isn’t willing to make the same sacrifices and such then where is the relationship headed?

6- Convenience is in everyone’s blood :
I don’t care who you are, what the relationship is, 9 times out of 10 if you are not within the vicinity of someone, then they will not make an effort to keep you. Facebook is great and all, but that isn’t how most people like to keep in touch with people. I get you can live far away from people, but a phone call or text is nice. I am even guilty of this. I don’t speak a word to friends back home until I am there.

7- Don’t plan your life around someone else :
This is an honest and rather mean part, and I apologize in advance. I stayed in this town due to someone else. I thought that being at least an hour closer (than if I had moved home) would make the distance easier. I could handle the loneliness and everything knowing I could talk/hang out with him once and a while.It all goes back to the convenience thing. I had planned the next year or so around my feelings for him, only to have it all thrown at me. I am sorry I wasn’t all that he wanted me to be, and that I couldn’t just let him acknowledge me whenever. That was hard for me. I don’t regret any decisions in relation to this person, never will. But I do regret choosing to stay here if this was all going to happen eventually.

8- No matter how much you try, if someone doesn’t want to talk to you, they will make that happen :
I don’t even think this one needs explaining really.

9- You can’t wash a load of clothes twice without the washer overflooding :
yeah..this happened this morning. Pissed.

10- Most of the time, people will tell you what you want to hear :
No one likes to hurt people, so they tell them what they want to hear, not the truth. Or they tell them things to make the situation easier on them, and then give them the harsh truth later. They will sugarcoat things.

11- People will lie :
this kind of goes with number 10. If you don’t want something, or you know in your head something and how it will play out-just say so. Don’t tell people one thing and then act another way, or crush them later.

12- You will miss people :
again, not much explaining. I miss certain people, not for reason others will assume. The comfortable conversation I had with a person is what I miss, just being able to talk about whatever, whenever. (Goes back to #8)

13- Life is unfair :
people change, they stop caring or they start caring, they love then they hate you, you try to make things perfect and someone or something will always throw a wrench in your bicycle wheel. And there is nothing you can do about it. What you may think as being perfect, someone else may not.

14- Negative, negative, negative :
That is what most people care to hear about, though the won’t admit it. The “juicy gossip.” And once they have negative thoughts in their head, they stick there. Had this discussion with a friend the other day about his significant other. In break ups and fights, the thing most thought about is the negatives- “well he never did that, well she was always doing this, hate hate hate etc.” rarely do they take time to step back and remember the positives “Well she was always there for me, he bought me gifts, she accepted me, etc etc” and in the heat of those moments you can’t get them to “see the light” you have to let them realize it on their own. It’s killer..

15- There will always be people who like you for YOU, not who you are with :
I thought for the longest time that most of the people I came to hang out with last semester were friends with me because of who I was with. As it turns out, that is not the case. Some have proven me right, while others have proven me wrong. It is great to know that the people I loved being around with him, I can still be around.

16- in hardship, it doesn’t matter what people tell you, it only matters what the other side of the situation says :
and you arent always going to fully know how to react and what to say or do. And it sucks.

17- Along with the hardships, the only one who can make you feel better is God :
I have always been the kind of person that whoever breaks me is the only one who can comfort me. In reality, that has never been true but with the recent person. Other guys have dumped me and I never wanted to see them. I feel at times he is the only physical human being who can comfort me, but I have to remember that he wont. That God is the one I need to rely on.

18- In life, there are always going to be people who break you :
there is really nothing you can do about it but smile and go on. They will always let you down. But not God! Haha

19- Love, Love, Love till you can’t Love anymore :
You can love someone with everything you are, every inch of your being and not get the same response back. But that doesn’t mean don’t love them. Keep loving that person even till there is nothing physically there, and past that physical love. God calls us to love one another, so why not? Just because you don’t get that love back like you want, because you love someone who doesn’t love you back, don’t stop loving. There are always people out there who will Love you.

20- Life is full of surprises

21- Men and women think differently :
Thanks to Amanda Avery, I have been reading “Men are like Waffles, Women are like Spaghetti: Understanding and Delighting in Your Differences” and let me tell you, its so on point. Though it is hard to keep in mind what the book says sometimes, it makes things well, make more sense.

22- Online classes suck :
I can never find the motivation to do my work. This is going to be hard because all my classes next year are pretty much online.

23- All this alone time is perfect for getting back in the Word :
I neglected my relationship with God so much in the past year. I believe in Him, my faith was strong, but I wasn’t filling my cup with Him. I have had a chance to read books I want to read, and read the Bible. It is great!

24- I never realized how much I do for people who I care about :
This isn’t me trying to be prideful, I have just been reminded lately that I tend to give. It makes me feel good because lately all I have felt is like I have tried to take and take.

25- “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you might find, you get what you need ” :
Rolling Stones couldn’t have put it in better words. Life has its ups and downs, sometimes you get what you hope and pray for and other times God flat out says no. It is nothing to blame Him for, it is just life. He created us to be obedient and do all things for and through Him, yet often we forget and just ask and take. God has a plan for each and everyone of us, but we don’t know that plan, He doesn’t tell us. It is killer for those of us who like to be in control. Whether you want that perfect job, or man in your life, if you think you found it and it slips between your fingers it may not be over, or maybe it is. Only God knows the outcome. Things always have a way of working out.

Sorry this was A-long and B-kind of depressing. These are just a few of the things I have learned recently. It is not meant to make anyone angry, or whatever, its just my thoughts. I want to thank those of you reading this that have been here lately, I really appreciate every one of you. I hope this summer will continue to teach me about things, and help me mature into the person God wants me to be. I don’t know His plan for me, I don’t know home much time it will take for things to get better, I just know He loves me.